Definitions

Dr. Connolly’s Definitions

View Dr. Connolly's Definitions as PDF

Acceptance
The willingness to take another person or yourself exactly as they are without expectation, criticism or judgment.
Anger
Failure to handle emotions appropriately. Basically giving up your strengths. Normally secondary to another emotion.
Adult
A person who sees what needs to be done (Judgment) and is willing to do it (Discipline).
Argument
Loss of fairness in the desire to be right. The usual outcome is making an enemy, as both arguments and fights are selfish
Assertiveness
The ability to be passionate and devoted to balance and fairness in relationships.
Blame
The attempt to instill guilt.
Boundary
The creation of personal space or area of responsibility.
Commitment
The willingness to resolve conflict.
Conflict
A difference between two people (see Fight). Usually a difference of opinion.
Congruent Action
When your behavior matches your principles.
Contrition
Feeling badly enough for failing in responsibility that one doesn't do it again.
Courage
The willingness to act when you are afraid or have something to lose. Courage cannot be utilized without a state of fear existing. The use of love in the face of fear.
Discipline
See Adult.
Discussion
The attempt to resolve a conflict by agreeing on a fair solution.
Elements of Self Esteem
Acceptance, limits on behavior, and mastery of tasks.
Expectations
My fantasy of how things "should" be other than dealing with how they are. Virtually always toxic. (See Standards and Goals)
Fair
Balanced between the objectives of the parties involved.
Faith
My decision to believe in another's promises or statements.
Fight
A difference between two people plus disrespectful behavior that both engage in. Usually started by a person losing an argument
Forgiveness
Understanding the other person's limitations. Not the same as forgetting.
Goal
An activity that is definable, doable, and done.(Measurable) The source of motivation.
Guilt
The failure to assess accurate responsibility in a given situation.

Happiness
The condition of living without fear.
Health
A system in balance.
Hurt
The intentional infliction of pain.
Judgment
See Adult.
Limits
The willingness to control one's own behavior or to set boundary on the behavior of others insofar as it affects oneself.
Lie
The intentional statement of something known to be untrue.
Love
Feeling good in the presence of the other. The combination of passion, acceptance and commitment.
Mastery
The willingness to devote energy into accomplishment for self or assistance of others.
Pain
The experience of imbalance.
Passion
The willingness to devote interest or energy to another person or activity.
Passive-Aggressive
The quiet form of aggressive behavior.
Path of Wisdom
That place between the two swamps (see Swamp) characterized by the creation of safety and Congruent Action.
Philosophy
A set of guidelines for the conduct of life. Everybody needs one, or congruence is not possible.
Politics
The intelligent management of human relationships.
Responsibility
The antidote to shame, blame and guilt by simply owning what is in your control, and refusing what isn't.
Safety
Physical, emotional, sexual and interpersonal sense of well being in the presence of others.
Self Esteem
The value I place on the decisions I've made in the last 24 hours. (See Elements of Self Esteem)
Shame
The acceptance of guilt.
Standard
Mutually agreed upon minimum forms of behavior.
Swamp of Right
That place reserved for people who buy into the illusion that they will be safe if they are right, in control or better than others. Leads to argument.
Swamp of Wrong
That place reserved for people who lose the hope of being safe with another and therefore don't care what they do. Leads to apathy, passive-aggressive behavior.
Trust
The ability to predict another person's behavior 80-90 percent of the time in a given situation. Nobody's perfect.
Wisdom
The creation of mutual safety; also the product of self esteem.
Worry
What we do when we want to control something and we can't.